Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I need a dozen step program

My "problem"
I don’t know if I’m ready for “Celebrity Rehab 4” or not, but I do know I have a problem. It’s hamantaschen and I know I’m addicted. Call me a junkie, if you will, but when Purim gets near, I can’t wait to fill myself with the scrumptious taste of a poppy seed- , fruit preserve- or chocolate-filled triangle of baked dough. When Purim comes around, I buy them by the dozen, gouging myself on as many as I can take in one sitting. I don’t care who sees me. I am powerless to resist this sweet tooth. It is my jones. Whatever is left over I will then freeze in gallon sized plastic bags for use throughout the rest of the year. Weeks or months after Purim, I will remove one from the bag and microwave it for just a few seconds to restore the tasty delicacy to room temperature and allow me to gobble it down greedily. I am hooked. I admit that I do this oftentimes when I am alone. That can’t be good. In point of fact I am reluctant to share with others, knowing that I can’t bear to part with my trusty stash. Then there’s my biggest dilemma: cake or cookie dough. I can no longer hide my problem. It becomes incredibly difficult during Passover when chometz (leavened items) like hamantaschen are forbidden. It is only by the hardest determination that I make it through those eight days with this monkey on my back. So, call Dr. Pinsky or Dr. Phil, I cannot calm my cravings. I know I need somebody’s help to get me through this time of year. I’m ready to buy my dough of choice and I know that that time honored adage is true: one hamantasch is too much and 1000 hamantaschen are not enough. It’s time for me to get into a program with a dozen steps to ease me out of my misery and help me with my problem. This is not a half-baked idea. I know I "knead" to do this and will, with the help of my higher power, rise to overcome my pastry dependence.

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